Friday, February 3, 2012

plans a b and c

Hi Heathaaaa :)

(Where have you been hiding? Holy shit I've been looking for you non-stop for the past few months!)

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Plan A -

Steal an idea for a stadium made out of food from the web and make it your own. They used strategically placed (read: gaps everywhere) rice crispy squares for the outer walls of the stadium. I thought to do one better and make an actual stadium out of cut up cardboard from Ye Olde Local Grocery Store boxes and cover said cardboard in tin foil. Tell hubby which brings us to -

Plan B -

He offered to build me an actual miniature stadium that we can use year in and year out. His plan was to call this stadium Lambeau Field. (Gee, I wonder why.) Anyway, moving right along. I agreed. Thanked him even. (Because I can always repaint it in Steelers colors when he isn't looking.) So he cut the frame out of the cardboard I'd set aside for Plan A and started slapping drywall mud on it. He shaped it while it was wet, it dried beautifully, so he put a second coat on. Same results. Dried great, kept its shape, etc. etc. Third and final coat and for some unknown and bizarre reason, it decided it would rather be overcooked spaghetti. Down it went. This being all of forty-eight hours before a dozen people show up at our door expecting to see a stadium built out of food. Time to cough up  -

Plan C -

Bring back Plan A. Dash back into the car that you'd just gotten out of, fly to the grocery store and make like a madwoman throwing boxes all over the place trying to find the perfect replacement cardboard. (All along thanking the gods that be that you live in downtown Hamilton where you can throw boxes around in the middle of a grocery store like the madwoman that you are and nobody bats an eye.) Bring home what you hope will work and start cutting. You will -

Almost dislocate your thumb trying to cut industrial cardboard with a cheap assed pair of scissors.

Break a fingernail.

Say fuck a lot over your broken nail.

Swear even more over the bends that are already in the cardboard making it next to impossible to shape your oval the way you want it shaped.

Grab the duct tape and force that fucker to do what you want it to do.

Finally say HA! because you feel oh so powerful with your beating up cardboard capabilities.

Cover up the whole cardboard/duct tape mess with tin foil.

Take picture.

Post picture.

The "before players and fans are added" picture

1 comment:

Tara said...

Your entry - and the fact that I didn't do kegels when I was pregnant- made me regret laughing out loud.