Twenty-four hours before Superbowl Sunday -
I needed buttery round crackers for my crab cakes. I've bought buttery round crackers before. Lots of times even. So I went to my local grocery store and looked for my crackers. Can't find them. That's okay though said me. Normally I buy them at the other local grocery store, the one I don't go to regularly because it's a little more expensive than my usual store. So I jump back into the car and off I go.
No buttery round crackers. I even asked. Said I used to buy them here all the time.
"We don't sell them anymore."
"Why? Is it because they - God forbid - use the word buttery?"
"Probably."
Thinking that I better die soon because if I live to a ripe old age the odds will be good that there will be 3 politically correct words left in the English language, I drive on to yet *another* grocery store -this one being the uber expensive grocery store, the one I only go to when they have something spectacular on sale.
No buttery round crackers.
Okay. Now I'm pissed. I stomp out but on my way out the door I happen to pass a Doritos display and what do I see in front of the display but a life size cardboard cutout of Clay Matthews - defensive end of the Green Bay Packers. Putting the brakes on my feet, I turn and make a beeline straight to customer service.
"How much do you want for Clay Matthews?"
"Who?"
"Clay Matthews. That cardboard football player standing in front of the Doritos."
"Are you serious?"
"Look. It's like this. If I bring that home, my husband will have NO CHOICE but to be nice to me for the next 30 or 40 years."
"Oh well in that case, let me call the manager."
(Gotta love sisterhood)
Long story short, I was told that legally they had to keep the display up until 2 p.m. Sunday. After that, I could have it. All I needed to do was put my name on the back.
Proof that I'll do anything to be worshiped and adored |
Thanking Tara for this idea. Football deviled eggs. |
Boston Creme Pie - that I turned into a cake |
Bwahahahahaha! |
1 comment:
That cake deserves to be on a pedestal!! I wish I was there!!
Did Jay mind you grabbing Clay's crotch? I thought it was HIS man?
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