odds and ends

I don't consider myself a racist. I openly admit I have people issues - big ones even. I'm quite honest when I say if I was given a gun and free rein the population of Hamilton would go from half a million to about, you know, twelve. (Okay, FINE. If I see an Asian behind the wheel of a car you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll move over a block or two or twenty. That's not racism. That's self preservation.) But I'm not racist. I'm merely people-ist. Except - oh come on, you all saw the "except" coming - when it comes to those Ninja moms. Am I the only person who's terrified when they see one? The all in black, two eye balls peeping out at you female. And I'm not talking every day Muslim women in hijabs. One of my closest "mom friends" from Julian's class is an incredible woman from Libya. I'm talking the head to toe stuff here. Sometimes they even have that window screening over the eyeball part. Can you walk past one without thinking they have 15 sticks of dynamite taped to their bellies and all they're waiting for is your sorry Western ass to pass by before they blow you and themselves up? Scary shit, I tell ya.

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Back in the olden days, when I'd returned back to Canada from my two year Connecticut stint I'd gotten a job at what polite people call an "Adult Video Establishment." I called it a porn shop. During that time, I'd met a guy, twenty years younger than me and gay as gay gets, who worked at another one of our stores in the region. For some bizarre - and to this day unknown - reason we ended up as close as two people could possibly get. As it tends to happen, life changes occur and we both went our separate ways but we still try to keep in touch if at all possible. Jeremy is in Toronto now but he managed to find time to come and visit us the other day. I invited Tara to come over and bring the girls seeing how he'd never met them. Claudia was clearly on her best 3 year old behavior when she was introduced to him -

"I don't think I like you .."

- so we just relied on Eloise who can't say much beyond "hiya" and she came through for us. We had an amazing visit, staying outside for most of the day watching Tara weed my garden - ten feet deep and forty feet long. I'd say she needs professional mental help but I won't because if I did she won't do it again next year - and keeping the girls from running out on to the street.

Jeremy

Eloise and Chief doing their prisoner of war imitation

Claudia the biker babe in training












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And finally, a quick update on my sister in law Josie. The operation to remove the infected breast went extremely well - probably the boobcakes that brought her good luck - and she's received the results from the cancer clinic. Apparently they caught the cancer at its earliest stages and she was given a choice of pills for 5 years which would give her a so so chance of the cancer not coming back or chemo for 3 months which would almost guarantee a cancer free future. Josie has opted for the three months of chemo which I think is the wisest decision even with the nausea and hair loss that she's going to endure. My brother is going to shave his head -

"Aww .. that's so sweet of him! I just hope you don't expect me to join him cause, you know, I really don't like you *that* much ..." 

- and Josie and I are already planning a wig shopping expedition.

And needless to say, breathing that much easier.

happy birthday claudia!

It's funny how you think that motherhood is the only phase in your life where you get to say "where did the time go?" I found out yesterday that it also applies when you're a grandparent. Our little Claudia turned three and I'd swear it was just a few months ago that a little six pound squirming mass of arms and legs was held out to me to see for the first time. And now she's this absolutely gorgeous blue eyed blonde who is articulate, intelligent and a royal pain in the ass for her parents. (But *not* for her grandparents. Don't you just love karma???)

The party was yesterday. The theme was The Hungry Caterpillar and we all got to feast on caterpillar cupcakes (Are you seeing a pattern in this family? Cupcakes turned into boobs, cupcakes turned into caterpillars. Clearly no cupcake is safe around us) and we drank "bug juice" with dinner. The food was great, the company was wonderful and all the kids behaved. We couldn't have asked for more.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart. Grandma loves you with all her heart.

The birthday girl.

Starting at high noon -
Melissa, mom of Kennedy and Julian
Below her - Hailie
Tasha
Claudia
Julian
Travis
Sarah
Kennedy

William

Eloise

Claudia didn't want to hit the pinata. (tree hugger in training) Her sister on the other hand had no qualms about beating the crap out of it.

meeting izzy

I phoned my mom the other day. It'd been FIVE DAYS since I spoke to her.

"Hi mom."

(Do keep in mind that I'm her *only* daughter which in my world means there could only be one female voice that would call her "mom.")

"Who's this?"

"Your daughter."

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't recognize your voice."

And they wonder why I can consider 2 p.m. a good time to have a drink.

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Tasha phoned me yesterday.

"Hey Tasha."

"Hey. What time is it?"

"Two forty two."

"K, thanks. Talk to you later."

"Wait. Hang on a sec. Did you seriously just call me to ask me what time it was???"

"Yeah. I'm outside with William and we're not near the house and I needed to know what time it was and I'm too lazy to walk up to the house."

I was tempted to call Tara to suggest she start calling her mother in law to find out the time. Seeing how Tara was blessed with the mother in law from hell, it would be good for a laugh.

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Back when I was a kid, my dad and another man went into business together. Business was good, they bought 20 acres of land together, built two houses on the land and that was my childhood. The partner had two children. In time, like all of us, those children went on to marry and have children of their own. One of those "babies" was a girl named Monica. Her and Tara pretty much grew up together and are still close friends to this day. Ten weeks ago Monica had a baby girl named Isabelle, her first. Tasha and I finally got to meet her this past Monday. Now don't get me wrong, this baby is CUTE. Beyond cute even. Unfortunately, it ends there. Other than a fifteen minute nap, she screamed the whole time. Honestly, I thought Claudia had Birth Control Poster Child of the year sewn up. Izzy has beat her out. Honestly, how many times can you say "She really *is* beautiful!" before mom finally tunes into the fact that you can't think of anything else to say. 

But hey, she really *is* beautiful!

Izzy