a canine conundrum

As it works in our home, the furry friends we live with are in one form or another, rescues. By way of cats, we have One Eyed Jackie - she'd be a One Eyed Jack but her vagina begged to differ - who has gone through life looking like she's winking at you. We have Creamsicle - affectionately known as Cream - who is cross-eyed, drools, and sticks his tongue out at all times. And on the stories go. Land of the Misfit Cats is how Tara describes our home. Our dogs are also rescues. We found Chief at a shelter when he was a year old and now Cooper, a throwaway puppy at 8 months of age. While we wouldn't have it any other way, we're also more than aware that with rescued animals come issues. Sometimes big ones, sometimes small, some that keep you awake all night long.

When we met Cooper we were told that he'd been in a crate 20 hours a day from infancy. He knew people - he got to see them from his crate - but that was about it. Eager to please but with no manners or training whatsoever. We were also told that he had "stair issues." Simply put, he had no idea what stairs were, they terrified him, and he refused to go up them.

We live in a two story house.

That, and the fact that Cooper's "outside" was going to be off the second floor told us that we had our work cut out for us before we even brought him home. It took a few days and a ton of patience on Jay's part, but he got Cooper to tentatively go up the stairs. With every passing day, he got a little braver and went up them a little quicker. We assumed the problem was solved. What we weren't expecting was for Cooper to slip on one step like he did last Friday. He didn't fall, didn't hurt himself, but that one little slip of a paw was all it took for him to declare that he was right and that stairs are akin to dog hell. And that was that. He refused to go back up those stairs. What he decided would be a perfect Plan B though was for us to stay downstairs - forever - with him. When he discovered that we had no intentions of going through with his Plan B he quickly thought of a Plan C - he's going to sit at the bottom of the stairs the entire night whining, whimpering, and yelping.

Which is how I found myself in the kitchen, online, at 4 a.m. looking up dog phobias and whether stairs might be included in said phobias. Come to find out that they are a common phobia with dogs - learn something new every day - and usually stem from never being introduced to stairs as babies and dogs that have been confined. The older the dog, the worse the problem is until it's almost impossible to get them to use stairs. Fair enough. Now to find solutions to the problem.

Put a treat on every second step - He went on a hunger strike.
Put his leash on him and walk him up. - He dragged me to the front door instead.
Carry your puppy up the stairs. - My 100 lb puppy?
Carpet your stairs. - Sigh ...

I knew that we had an old area rug rolled up in the furnace room so I dragged it upstairs, measured the stairs, measured the rug and started cutting. Eleven pieces of chopped up rug are now stapled to our hardwood stairs.

And Cooper runs up and down those stairs happily.

When he isn't flopped out on the couch.

  

moms and almost migraines

I've had an almost migraine for the past three days. I don't even get headaches, much less an almost migraine. Jay is blaming the weather. The same time the almost migraine came in, a Colorado Low and a Texas SomethingOrOther collided over Southern Ontario bringing us snow, ice, intense winds and rain. (Because the Winter From Hell hasn't been bad enough apparently.) I digress. These lows came in and my head went straight into an invisible vice. I've flipped between wanting to cry, throw up, move south, kill something, sleep, jump on a plane to Scotland - because somehow those hated winds blowing off the North Sea seem like a walk in the park in June right about now - eat Advil like candy ... well, you get the general idea. I'm not a happy camper. Throughout all this, my mom has been calling and leaving You Must Do This Immediately type messages on my phone like, "I have no crackers." After fighting the almost migraine for 48 hours and not winning, I knew I had to call her, almost migraine or not.

"Hi mom. I *really* can't talk long, I've been sick in bed with a headache all weekend. What is it you need, I'll bring it by tomorrow." 

27 minutes and 34 seconds later ....

"I guess I'll let you go. You should take an aspirin. See you tomorrow!"

On the plus side, she *did* hear me when I said I wasn't feeling well.

**********

Why are sinuses capable of holding 74 gallons of snot at a time? Has anyone looked into this? I can't speak for everyone here, but I'm almost positive my sinuses aren't 12 miles long.

**********

If I don't weigh in at around 600 pounds by the time the Winter From Hell is over, it'll be a miracle.

Lemon Squares

a proud sexist

Everyone has that one friend. That friend that everyone asks what you two could possibly have in common seeing how from their viewpoint, you are night and day. Kim would be that friend of mine. While I cheerfully bake cookies for my family and bounce babies on my lap, she's burning bras and fighting for equal rights for women. Somehow though, even with the diversity, we are close friends. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for her and Jay. Now don't get me wrong here. They actually DO like each other, but they'd prefer to do their visiting from opposite ends of the country planet.

Thanks to the Winter From Hell, I got a text the other night from Kim. She was stuck in Hamilton, home being an hour away, and the roads were horrid. Can she take refuge here? Of course she can. And then it begins. You all know the expression "wait for it" correct? That's what I say to myself from the second she walks through the door. Normally, I only need to think it once or twice and Thursday night, they did not disappoint. I can't believe how fast I went from "wait for it" to "here it is." They might have even broke a record with the speed that it changed. Thursday's Issue Du Jour was equality - or the lack thereof - between the sexes. Arguing, throwing statistics around like baseballs, arguing some more, Google-ing so much I thought Google might break down - and on it went. This is how I amused myself while they battled -

New Jersey Crumb Cake

- and it's not because I don't have an opinion. I very much have an opinion. I just keep it to myself.

I am a sexist. A card carrying, flag waving, proud as punch, sexist. I have never, don't now, and never will believe that men and women are equal. I've always been of the firm belief that men are so much beneath us they might as well be made out of rubber with "welcome" stamped on their foreheads. Dumb as ox with dicks, men are. If I was that simple and stupid, trust me, I'd have shot myself long ago. Oh sure, you can all throw the rocket scientist mumbo jumbo at me and you're right, they are capable of that. Now walk a pair of Double D's into the room while they're building those rockets and watch what happens.

"Booooooobieeeees!!!!!"

And now you know why rockets crash.

I find it funny that so much time and money has been spent by men trying to find that elusive "missing link" brought about through evolution. We've all heard of the missing link. Half man, half ape, capable of grunting but no real conversation, not quite evolved but not quite a beast. Able to lift heavy objects but not too much more beyond that. Men have never found that missing link.

It's because they've never thought to look in a mirror.

(Nice looking cake, isn't it?)

the highs and the lows of the past two years

Needless to say, when it's been two years since your last post, point form can be your best friend -

- Our sister in law Josephine lost her valiant battle with cancer on February 8, 2013.

- Three weeks after Josie's passing, we had to say good-bye to our beloved companion Chief after 11 years.

- They say that when one door closes, another opens. On March 29, 2013 we were blessed with our 5th grandchild, Nora Josephine, third child of Aaron and Tara. Nora arrived a month early and shortly after their move from Germany to Scotland where Aaron accepted a teaching position at Aberdeen University.

- We said good riddance to our trailer, the trailer park and all the troubles that came with it. I don't miss it.

- In keeping with Tara's due date with Nora, I booked a flight to Scotland for mid April to be there and help with the new baby. As mentioned above, Nora had other plans so instead I went to Scotland to visit the three week old and her sisters. Five weeks after I got back home, Jay and I went out for another two weeks. Both visits were incredible and as a bonus, Jay managed to golf the Old Course at St. Andrews - something he still talks about to this day.

- Two months after we got back home, Tara and the girls came to visit us for the majority of the summer. 2013 was definitely the year of travel for our family.

- My Pontiac finally moved on to the great junk yard in the sky and I got myself a Mazda 3. Zoom zoom.

- We moved my mom into a nursing home. She still complains about everything on a daily basis. I remind my kids about the "pillow over my head" promise continually.

- A year after the death of Chief, Jay and I felt ready to welcome a new dog into our family. He's an 8 month old Collie/Australian Shepherd mix and about the size of a small horse. We named him Cooper and we're adjusting to a life of chewed slippers again.

Josie

Chief

Meeting 3 week old Nora for the first time

Nora this month

Papa and his girls at St. Andrews

Cooper

   

for my daughter - the winter from hell